Product Review - Trimantis Burnout &
Tuning System, KittyKat Component Companion System - March, 1998
|Fuzzy Cap Static Enhancement Pad
Fishy Triad Aura Alignment system $995.99 per set
Can o Whoopass EMI Diffusion Device $1997.99 each.
KittyKat Component Companions $3995.00 each
Available For Unbalanced Systems and Owners
Optional Ream Deluxe Connection Set $699.00
|Available through B.S. Distributing (800) 555-BULL; Web Site (Click Here)|
What truly differentiates an audio accessory manufacturer as one that's leading the way into Lilliput? One might say those who participate in the research of hearing itself, or those who adopt the latest proven technology into the realm of audio, or those who do exhaustive research both in listening tests and measurable performance parameters. Well, those people may make quite an effort, and occasionally make useful, although usually limited progress. But, compared to the designers of accessories that may very well become necessities, they're just spinning wheels and blowing air. The leading edge is getting dull fast, with products that are sometimes designed to operate within laws of physics so complex, warped, anti-mattered, and black holed, that they have yet to be proven, let alone be published in scientific journals.
Willie Wetman, CEO of B.S. Distributing, and the mastermind behind the products reviewed here, refuses to go into exact detail as to the their workings, as the patents are still pending, and it may be a long, long wait. But he did disclose just enough detail for me to waste valuable web space, and so that all of us could dump hard earned cash into his bank account (we tell it like it is here at Secrets).
Although you can buy any of these items separately, the Fuzzy Cap Static Enhancement Pad, Fishy Triad Aura Alignment system, and Can o Whoopass EMI Diffusion devices were specifically designed to work together as an integrated system placed in a specific order on top of full-range speakers, satellite speakers, bookshelf speakers, car speakers, nospeakers, and subwoofers. So, even though the benefits can be had with the use of the single piece alone, the rewards together far outweigh the sum of the parts. For reasons of cost effective performance enhancement, Mr. Wetman suggests starting with the Fuzzy Cap, then using the Fishy Triad in conjunction, and lastly adding the Can o Whoopass. It's nice to know that there are still a few people in the industry interested in making sure that consumers can get the most for their immediate expenditures. And, if you're a high roller, you can have the dealer come to your house, to open up a Can o Whoopass on your system, with supposedly quite impressive performance gains, except that the internal material's half-life shortens dramatically, which requires subsequent replacement after a couple days. So, it's only advised for those who really want Le Creme de le creme, or Le creme de le mushroom perhaps. The KittyKat Component Companions, according to Mr. Wetman, will work equally well with or without other performance enhancing devices, but tend to provide the greatest marginal performance increase in pairs, for reasons he has yet to discover.
The Fuzzy Cap Static Enhancement Pad works by focusing and biasing the field of static electricity between itself and the loudspeaker. It's no coincidence that the directions insist on having you place the device above the speaker, as opposed to the side. One reason is that the quasi-directional properties of the earth's own gravitational field provide better coupling to the speaker when placed above. Always the skeptic, I tried mounting the cap on the side of the speaker, and indeed it wouldn't stay, but kept falling down! The other reason for the top-loading position is that interstellar signals, due to the galactic geometry of celestial spheres, tend to come from what we earthlings consider above. Specifically, the Fuzzy Cap Enhancement Pad uses a field of static electricity to divert and otherwise block alien-generated ultrasonic subliminal signals from subverting the tweeters. Subverted tweeters can result in an "in your face" presentation that causes many to resort to voodoo tactics like room treatment or speaker placement changes.
Fishy Triad Aura Alignment pieces, which resemble bronze goldfish sculptures, work together to focus cosmic spiritual energy from the ether to the axis behind the transducers of the speaker, so that it doesn't randomly coagulate. This allows the drivers to work without discord in the astral plane, which might otherwise result in non-linear phase shifting between resonant planes akin to the IM distortion we hear so much about in classical electronic theory. For maximum spiritual symmetry, the pieces resembling goldfish must be placed in an equilateral triangle, with a side of that triangle parallel to the speaker baffle so that the spiritual and physical boundaries coincide for minimal planar phase shift.
Can o Whoopass EMI Diffusion Devices, the last piece in this three-level company, contains classified, organically derived polyhyrdrocarbon compounds which sink electro-mechanical nausea away from the casing made from a ferrite-derived alloy. The handsome, precision-crafted, pressed and dyed pulp treated cylinder absorbs stray EMI, as well as placing critical audio vitamins within close proximity of the loudspeakers, improving not only the electro-immune system synergy, but acting as a new-age-order positive pass filter, much like a karma diode, that blocks negative karmoid particles which could otherwise initiate detrimental driver behavior.
As dazzling as these accessories seem, the technology and build quality pales compared to the KittyKat Component Companions. These beauties are shipped with a patented KittyLitterBox, lined with a clay substrate, but can also be filled with sand or sawdust. The KittyKat Component Companions, supported by a complex calcium-impregnated frame contain their own electrochemical network processing systemscoupled to a navigational and dynamic ballast integroid. Believe it or not, these audio accessories adjust themselves to reap the greatest effect on the system. Insulated with keratin fiber absorption materials, the insulation itself sheds, much like a real cat would do when called upon by nature, to gradually place microwave diffusion arrays about the most critical areas of the listening room, as well as anywhere else that would enhance performance. And, as a true audiophile product, they come with retractable spikes which can induce further mechanical coupling when attachment to furniture, speaker grilles, or electrostatic panels becomes most necessary. Occasional maintenance of the KittyLitterBox is suggested, but not required. For maximum life, the manufacturer suggests leaving out KatFud, an optional substance available factory direct, which will prolong the useable life of the product. The KittyKat Component Companions not only keep your components company, but also provide dynamic compensation for rack vibration, electro-magnetic absorption and reflection, and room tune tuning. I actually witnessed this a couple times, as they altered the surfaces of furniture as well as speaker grilles for the greatest acoustic properties. Now THAT's impressive engineering.
Well, needless to say, the technology is incredible, but I'm a pretty experienced reviewer, and I really doubted that this whole system, let alone the components by themselves, could outshine the improvements brought about by my RedBrick transformer stones, or my SlapShot wooden hockey pucks, but as I have an open mind, I gave them a try. My GAWD, I'm glad that I did.
I started, as suggested, with the Fuzzy Cap Enhancement Pad. Carefully placing them on top of each loudspeaker, I immediately noticed a natural warmth and bloom emanating from the soundstage. Vocals became much cozier and insulated from the electronic haze which plagues all but the best systems. Had this been the only improvement of the entire system, I would have dubbed it a steal, but there was more, much more.
With the addition of the Fishy Triad Aura Alignment systems, the soundstage gained a liquidity that I had previously only met in my dreams of what's his name. The sense of ambiance, bubbling and effervescent, flowed convincingly without restraint, muddiness, or dirty aftertaste. While this propelled me into orgasmic convulsions, it couldn't begin to prepare me for what followed.
Upon the placement of the Can o Whoopass EMI Diffusion Devices, the presentation got downright SAUCY! Pace, Slam, Rhythm, Timing, and that difficult-to-describe effect that one can only qualify as Whoopass just kicked in like a boot out of hell! In fact, I was so overwhelmed with the improvements that I spilled my glass of vintage MD 20/20 orange jubilee wine and wet my pants! Believe me, it was that inspiring.
So now, I'm on the floor, wet, disheveled, and panting, going nutzoid over the improvements to my system. I mean, few will ever experience this kind of musical performance inside the home, but what a feeling! Dare I let the Kat out of the bag, or rather box? I did, twice. The dynamic duo leapt into action, scratching and biting their way in the midst of an already awesome performance. With such dexterity and poise, sonic textures jumped to and fro with such convincingness and breadth, I began to foam at the mouth without the assistance of my glass of Orange Jubilee. I have never had such conveyance and life in an audio system. With the the KittyKat Component Companions released into the system, it seemed as if some of the components actually lived and breathed in my very room. I can tell you it's not something you can easily forget, and once you've had it, it's impossible to do without.
I wholeheartedly recommend all of these components. Your stereo sucks if you don't have them. If you can't afford all of them, at least get the Fuzzy Cap Static Enhancement Pads, still feel inferior, and yearn for the rest of it. If you can afford all of them, rush and order your own now! They're way too cheap for the performance. This value is so absurd, it's ridiculous!
© Copyright 1998 Secrets of Home Theater & High Fidelity
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